Seventeen Side Effects That the Lunesta® Insert

Doesn't Mention

Every poem you write will be a bird poem.

You will sign up for a $500 Ironman, though you don't swim, bike, or run.

You will wake your husband at 0330 to ask him, what's for dinner tonight?

You will wake in your car parked in your neighbor's driveway.

You will wake wearing grandma's wig.

Pirates will visit you.

You will call your brother at midnight asking him why he married Witchy Poo.

You will be blocked by your brother.

Eventually you will hate bird poems.

You will subscribe to a three-year subscription of Bombproof Your House.

You will group-text your parents thanking them for all the reasons you'll never reproduce.

You will miss your stripper years.

You will play with fire.

You will give CPR to a teddy bear.

You may experience vertigo, ghosts, heartbreak.

You may wake to blood splatter.

You may wake holding a gun.

Yvonne's poems have appeared in Tin House, Hobart, Juked, and elsewhere. She is a registered nurse and college literature professor.