Tinder Review from a Past Heterosexual Self

College student Sarah Elda reveals her thoughts on the popular dating app, Tinder, where many have met, but few have fallen in love.

The Tinder app, launched in 2012 by start-up Hatch Labs, is available in over 190 countries and free to download on IOS, Android, or by visiting Tinder.com. It took the spot on the Top Five Utilized Web Services in 2013, becoming the first new online dating app to do so in ten years. Signing up is painless and convenient. Ideally an 18 plus user can sign up via a Facebook account or their mobile number, type out their name, identify their age, optionally, their gender identity, and have 9 slots available for a picture or a short “boomerang”.  The user then has a 500 character freedom to advertise themselves in their bio, name their college/university/place of employment, even link their Spotify account and pick several tracks to show up under their bio. Individually the user can choose the mile radius which they want their swiping option to be in (between 1-100 miles), the gender they are looking for (male, female, everyone), and the ages they prefer (18-100+). After the formalities, it is time to get swiping.

To me, swiping came naturally. You can tap to the right of your screen to enlarge the profile, and scroll to see all the candidate’s pictures and take a look at their bio, then tap out of the account. Inevitably, there is a choice to be made. Left generally means no, I’m not interested. It could also mean: you-lost-me-at-the-picture-of-you-holding-a-dead-fish, or I saw your Spotify anthem was a XXXTENTACION song, or you remind me of the guy I used to date that would excessively explain simple concepts to me and always ordered the most expensive dish when I was the one buying lunch. It could also be accidental. Getting lost in the groove of the rejection and mistakenly rejecting someone really hot and just your type. It is then you will snap out of the trance, and click on the yellow “back” arrow, where you will see a minimized picture of the suitor and their name. You will not be able to go back. The past is the past. That is of course if you are willing to fork over the $14.99 for Tinder Plus, which includes the ability to rewind. Essentially turn back time. A commodity I am not financially or emotionally apt for.

 On the opposing side, the right swipe is more complex. Since it symbolizes a spectrum with varying scales of attraction and desperation. Each right swipe can be marked on the scale differently, given a user's time of swipe, state of mind during swipe, and of course the location of said swipe. For example an early morning swipe while having breakfast could mean a sort of palette cleanse. Whereas a late night swipe in the same location would be more reminiscent of putting your playlist on shuffle and skipping each song until the algorithm gives you the one you can tolerate better in that given moment. A right swipe does completely warrant an attraction to the person. Actually the gesture can be quite ambivalent and void of any real “horniness” if you will. Other times it can be coated in desperation. Scrolling through the profile and seeing the stars align right in front of your phone screen, sliding your thumb across the screen, relinquishing your faith in some higher power that it will be a match, closing your eyes, finishing your swipe. It wasn’t a match.

Tinder can be strategic, such as seeing an attractive person in your vicinity, scurrying off to the bathroom, setting your distance radius to the lowest setting and frantically looking for the person you crossed paths with just moments before. Although this can be dangerous because as mentioned before, swiping left can become compulsive and intoxicating. Hypnotized by the sheer power held by your rejection in pursuit of one specific person can cause you to actually run out of swipes, which would not happen with the aforementioned Tinder Plus, but that is again a level of desperation I think only a few people will experience in their lifetime. Running out of swipes can cause great shame. Sometimes, on a rainy day, all you want to do is curl up in a corner and judge people on a dating app based solely on their physical appearance for as long or as obsessively as you like and this app unfortunately does not cater to this narrative.

It is inevitable that on a user’s Tinder journey they will receive a match. The instant gratification of knowing someone found you objectively physically appealing is one like no other. Maybe you will simply collect matches because you are someone who can't be bothered to message first and the match will never message either, so they will stay above your messages and overtime you will see their profile picture change and if you are bored sometimes you’ll revisit their profile and take a little peek but still never initiate contact. Or maybe you will. You two will chat, maybe you have a quirky one liner ready, maybe you sent a hello and then never got a response, or maybe, just maybe you two hit it off. There’s jokes but not too many emoji’s, there is banter,  and talks about college and majors, and then maybe they make a sexual remark, or maybe they really want to meet up, or maybe their compliments are oddly specific, or maybe they keep referencing The Office, maybe they clued you in on their political affiliation, or maybe you just noticed a picture of a “Saturdays are for the boys” tapestry. There are several choices that can be pursued at this time. One is a business casual cancelation of any further relations. This is very rare, and in my experience never utilized. Then there is “ghosting”, in which the person uninterested holds the power and simply stops responding until the other person gets a clue and stops messaging “hey :)” every other day. The last resort is the most extreme: the unmatch. On every match and conversation there is a red flag. There is an option which says “unmatch”. A glorious way out of a clingy guy or unwanted sexual advances. An oasis.

Of course the Tinder app is primarily shallow and if you meet anyone in real life, it will be a little strange at first and usually will never go anywhere serious or long term. But this app can be great for expanding your circle and looking to meet new people or explore yourself sexually if you lack social skills, because pursuing someone in real life can be scary and the possibility of rejection is much more bearable digitally. The most addictive part of the app is the swiping itself. It gives the user complete control and a sense of power. If a relationship does form through Tinder, explaining how you two met will be awkward and once people know you two met on the app, they are honestly just going to be waiting for the inevitable crash and burn since the relationship was most likely founded solely on physical attraction. On a more idealistic note, given to the 2014 count of 50 million users, you could potentially find your true match, life partner, and you two will stick together and then agree to a legally binding contract and will have a very funny speech to give at the wedding reception.

Sarah Elda is a Tuscan native currently studying Creative Writing at The New School. Her work has been published in small student run magazines as well as Women Who Roar.