The Door to Memories
Writer and editor Alexa Josaphouitch reviews Brandi Spering’s This I Can Tell You from Perennial Press, 2021
Brandi Spering’s This I Can Tell You is a poetic exploration of memory and grief that also considers time’s influences on them. She recounts growing up in South Philadelphia as her parents establish a routine of separation and reunion, without much explanation of either stage to her or her siblings. She attempts to understand how this affected her relationship with her father especially after his murder.
There are a handful of reappearing characters in the book, such as Spering’s mom, siblings, and friends. Spering focuses on her father’s absence while also intertwining what she learns of his life as an adult. At one point, she asks her teacher, “What if you don’t have a dad? / To which she replied, Everyone has a dad. / I didn’t know he was healing.” This grounding in the present reminds the reader that while reflecting on the past, memories and truths are continuously revealed to us as we live. She describes it at one point as, “The way lint collects, the mind does that./ An archive of fragments: the replacing/ of a cap on a pen.” The work as a whole embraces this notion and acknowledges it consistently. It elevates the work and encourages the reader to do the same with their own memories.
As Spering writes about her father’s death and her attempts to understand it, her grief is clouded in the same way that her parents’ relationship has always been. In the aftermath, the world is infused with more characters, many who try to understand what has happened. Like anyone who has experienced grief, Spering notes that, “Taking down one/ impacts a herd.” It’s hard enough to lose a parent but when it is at the hands of a tragic circumstance, there is little comfort to be found. Overall, Spering’s grief reads as the one part of her life that she continues to unpack through writing, revising, and even publishing this chapbook. Her mom and brother are the ones who pack up her father’s things, visiting the aftermath scene of his death. She writes, “He told me only a sliver of what he saw: the red parts.” She achieves a balance of informing the reader of the circumstance without glorifying or overindulging.
There is also a recurring theme of the supernatural. Spering describes not only dreams of her dead grandfather but experiences objects being moved without touching them, a vision of a woman standing in her room and the feeling of being stabbed. This is connected to Spering’s journey with religion. She recounts a memory of seeing her mom and sister from above as if she is God and how losing her father inspires a reconnection to prayer. Ethics, specifically what you learn from a parent versus their actions, are discussed and left to the reader to question.
This chapbook is a great read for fans of poetry and memoir. Spering also includes an afterword that takes the reader through the creation process, which adds a level of scholarship to the work. Spering opens the door to a part of her life and allows you to take a look at her memories, in as many states as she has herself.
Alexa Josaphouitch is a graduate of Drexel University’s BA English/ MA publishing program. She writes memoir and creative nonfiction. She's on the editorial board of Painted Bride Quarterly and has published reviews in Hippocampus Magazine. She loves showtunes, books, and tea.
