Quarantine Escapes

We have no idea

How bad it really is out there

Insulated in this Dutch beach town

As the wind whips round the bricks

Or could it be the waves

The water is right there

Anyway

It’s 2:24

And I’m beneath pink sheets

Of someone else’s childhood sleep

Wondering if I look like

A depressed person

Bags beneath my eyes

Made me buy

That expensive green

Caudalie cream

As we tiptoe through

This lightkeeper’s house

Not sensing the consensus

On the questions

We’re not allowed to answer

Or ask

I make very fluffy pancakes

And almost-crispy bacon

As Joni draws

In the background

Her map of Canada

Oh Canada

Everyone’s coming but you

Do my limbs realize

They’re on another continent

And that my hair

Smells of smoke

We reminisce

Of painting the roses red

With white noise

Turned all the way up

I mute everything

Apps, chats, friends instead

We communicate only

Through stickers

The vintage emoji

The voluntary exit

Taco, martini, money

I’m worried I’m annoying

Ring the buzzer

Or not annoying enough

Ring the buzzer

We typed up our terms

Only to tear them apart

On 2 am phone calls

I can hardly recall

Anyway

I’m learning

I like specificity

And a ruthless pursuit

Anyway

I’m learning

To find equilibrium

And that I don’t like the concept

Of ketchup chips

Or a paved place

Where the sand should be

It’s the 4th of July

And for the first time

I’m missing them

Can we be angry

At anyone’s anxiety at this point?

What if I picked back up?

In New York after 3 years

Like it was nothing

Planes used to pick me up

And drop me off

Like it was nothing

The lawyers say

I exposed their weak points

Like it was nothing

But we’re lacking

Democratic frameworks

It’s a milky piña colada

Caught in the rain

This sense of defensiveness

I want to teach people

What they’re entitled to

We’re the same age

Our parents were

I wonder what it’s like

To be both

Accountable for

And petrified of

I have no plans to reproduce

In this climate nobody knew

What they signed up for

Except for me

Kelly Mullins is an American writer, workplace organizer, and climate activist living in Amsterdam. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Maudlin House, The Magnolia Review, and In Parentheses. Kelly enjoys running away to tiny Dutch towns in order to maintain her sanity. You can find her hanging out on instagram @kellmullins.