Quarantine Escapes
We have no idea
How bad it really is out there
Insulated in this Dutch beach town
As the wind whips round the bricks
Or could it be the waves
The water is right there
Anyway
It’s 2:24
And I’m beneath pink sheets
Of someone else’s childhood sleep
Wondering if I look like
A depressed person
Bags beneath my eyes
Made me buy
That expensive green
Caudalie cream
As we tiptoe through
This lightkeeper’s house
Not sensing the consensus
On the questions
We’re not allowed to answer
Or ask
I make very fluffy pancakes
And almost-crispy bacon
As Joni draws
In the background
Her map of Canada
Oh Canada
Everyone’s coming but you
Do my limbs realize
They’re on another continent
And that my hair
Smells of smoke
We reminisce
Of painting the roses red
With white noise
Turned all the way up
I mute everything
Apps, chats, friends instead
We communicate only
Through stickers
The vintage emoji
The voluntary exit
Taco, martini, money
I’m worried I’m annoying
Ring the buzzer
Or not annoying enough
Ring the buzzer
We typed up our terms
Only to tear them apart
On 2 am phone calls
I can hardly recall
Anyway
I’m learning
I like specificity
And a ruthless pursuit
Anyway
I’m learning
To find equilibrium
And that I don’t like the concept
Of ketchup chips
Or a paved place
Where the sand should be
It’s the 4th of July
And for the first time
I’m missing them
Can we be angry
At anyone’s anxiety at this point?
What if I picked back up?
In New York after 3 years
Like it was nothing
Planes used to pick me up
And drop me off
Like it was nothing
The lawyers say
I exposed their weak points
Like it was nothing
But we’re lacking
Democratic frameworks
It’s a milky piña colada
Caught in the rain
This sense of defensiveness
I want to teach people
What they’re entitled to
We’re the same age
Our parents were
I wonder what it’s like
To be both
Accountable for
And petrified of
I have no plans to reproduce
In this climate nobody knew
What they signed up for
Except for me
Kelly Mullins is an American writer, workplace organizer, and climate activist living in Amsterdam. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Maudlin House, The Magnolia Review, and In Parentheses. Kelly enjoys running away to tiny Dutch towns in order to maintain her sanity. You can find her hanging out on instagram @kellmullins.