All the Glory

*The below is a draft of an Instagram post by Christian pop country star, Lane Bridges, as released inadvertently on his Instagram feed and then screen-grabbed by a superfan named Ashley Hughes before he deleted it. Ms. Hughes then disseminated this draft widely via her own numerous social media and website fan pages (There are too many to list here but her most prominent blog is entitled, “Lane Bridges: So Christian Hot… If I Could Marry Him I Would and the Sex on Our Wedding Day Would be so Super-Hot Because God Would Bless Us in This Hypothetical!!!”). On first glance, further publishing this draft may seem prurient and, in general, poor taste considering it was not intended to be published in this form. There may be something here, however, in thoughtful analysis of this digital artifact in an effort to understand humanity in the decade 2010 through 2020 in the twenty-first century. 

Instagram Post Draft #3

Instagram Post Title?: All the Glory

Possible Hashtags: #Godisgood #allthetime #believethat #trustinGod #alltheglory

Possible Image?: Something like stellar view of sun rising at dawn to indicate awesome God & new beginnings.

Message to Fans: Glory to God, y’allll! Sorry it’s been so long. God is good. He’s been really moving. Big time MOVING. Every concert date on the upcoming Taking Back the World tour is sold out. All the glory to Him!

I have to bear witness, y’all. Just as God is moving, y’all, so is the devil. Recently Satan has hit me real hard like in the gut or even maybe a little LOWER IT HURTS SO BAD IT HURTS SO BAD I JUST FOUND OUT THAT TRIXIE HAS CHEATED ON ME WITH ANOTHER MAN AND A SUPPOSED CHRISTIAN SINGER TOO AT THAT WHO I WILL NOT NAME… BUT Y’ALL KNOW WHO IT IS!!!! TEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET!!!! FOR WHAT!!!! A GUY WHO WEARS FIVE EARINGS TWO IN EACH LOBE AND ONE IN THE CARTILEDGE ON THE LEFT SIDE!!! HE CAN’T EVEN SING GOOD!

I love you Trixie. Please don’t leave me. NOT FOR HIM. I know I haven’t been perfect. You’re right I have been self-involved and touring too much but I have ALWAYS BEEN FAITHFUL. Doesn’t that mean anything to you? What about the kids we were supposed to have someday once our careers slowed down? You’re going to abandon our future kids just like that over some phony ass, ugly, TONE DEAF WANABEE ME with too many earrings AND THEY ARE NOT SYMETRICAL!!!!! HIS WHOLE BIG HEAD IS IMBALANCED? UNBALANCED? LOPSIDED!!!

I’m sorry for everything I have ever done and ever will do in the future if we somehow can work this out. But you have to be sorry too and committed to not having sex with someone else who is not talented and attractive in A WHOLESITIC GODLY SENSE and lying about it. Let’s try to fix it. I hope you want to. But ALSO I KIND OF DON’T BECAUSE I DON’T TRUST YOU AT ALL ANYMORE I AM SO CONFUSED. I NEED HELP FROM GOD OR SOMEONE OR MY PARENTS OR LIKE A GOOD FRIEND TO HELP SEE ME THROUGH BUT I AM SO ALONE EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE ALWAYS PEOPLE AROUND. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t KNOW WHAT TO SAY I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK TO SAYYYYY……………………………………………………………………………………
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God I am sorry I am a sinner and have bad thoughts about people. Help me to be a better man. I love you God and I love my wife and this cheating probably means she is unhappy with herself and does not understand that I love her and that you love her always no matter what. Please help me to be forgiving even if I need to let her go. You are a great God and I am just a stupid man who does not know much but I am trying to be a good person. Please help me to forgive everything and everyone and myself and for my life to matter and for me to turn this bad thing into a good thing.

Kevin Del Principe is a writer and film director. The son of a snowplow truck driver and a school nurse, Kevin grew up outside of Buffalo but now makes his home in Memphis. I Animal is his debut novel, published by Tumbleweed Books. Kevin directed and co-wrote the feature film UP ON THE GLASS, available in North America through Gravitas Ventures. He hosts The Good Rascals, a podcast that features various outsider-types who strive to make the world better. Kevin earned his MFA in Writing for Screen and Television at the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts. https://kevindelprincipe.com/